If you know me, you know I'm full of opinions. If you don't know me, you'll learn that soon enough. All of what you see here represents just that: my opinions. Not those of any employer, family member, group or association. Just me.

Comments are most welcome from real people.

Comment spammers: neither I nor my esteemed readers have any interest in your Indonesian prostitutes or your erectile dysfunction drugs CHEAP! or your rambling word salad with key tech terms thrown in to generate traffic for who knows what. You can go right to hell.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

There. Is. No. Magic. Bullet.

Public service announcement time, folks. There is no quick fix. There is no instant answer. There is no effortless solution to your woes. 

Not for weight loss. Not for becoming a millionaire. Not for learning a foreign language. Not for solving racial discord. Not for gaining the respect of others. Not for detoxifying your body. Not for 'male enhancement.' Not for growing bushels of your own tomatoes. Not for achieving true happiness. Not for mastering the classics. Not for living the life of your dreams. 

If you want to lose weight, you have to burn more calories than you consume. Period. If you want to get rich, you have to spend less than you earn. Period. If you want to learn a foreign language well, you have to study it and spend some time immersed in it. If you want to solve racial discord, you have to do something other than looting and burning stuff. If you want to gain the respect of others, you have to not be a douche (refer to the previous item). If you want to detoxify your body, you have to quit putting toxic shit in it and drink more water (I admittedly suck at both of those things - but I'm also not whining about detoxifying, and it's my blog, so take my advice or don't). If you want male enhancement...well, sorry. If you want to grow your own tomatoes, you have to plant the right seeds in the right soil and tend to them carefully. If you want to achieve true happiness, you have to make good life choices. If you want to master the classics, you have to slog through and f*&king read them. If you want to live the life of your dreams, you have to get off your ass and work hard to make it happen.

A little gloomy and existential, maybe? Sure. But obviously not common sense, because goddamn.

That is all. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Thank You

Thank you to all of you who have served or are currently serving in the military. Much respect and gratitude to you for your commitment and sacrifice. Happy Veteran's Day.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Monday, November 03, 2014

Not something I see every day


So I know all you people that went to big Division I schools are used to seeing your alma mater's logo splashed all over the place. Those of us who went to the University of Idaho, however, are not. So it was a nice thing to see in the rat race this morning. Go Vandals!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE!!

Hey, Ass-clown somewhere in the neighborhood...

If you're going to try to be funny with your WiFi name, you can't misspell.  Government agencies screw up (CDC)... but not that bad.

Friday, October 17, 2014

(SMH)


And a side order of proper English, please...

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Badges

These flaws are my badges, and I wear them proudly, for the things I have done to earn them have made me the woman I am.  

I earned my gray hairs through worrying about my family and through trying to be a good mom, wife, person. 

I earned the hardware in my neck, and my stiff and sore back, by choosing a life path that involves taking the best care I can of my family and my patients, and forgetting to take care of myself.

I earned my stretch marks by carrying amazing children, who have taught me about what's really important in life and who I love more fiercely than I ever imagined possible. 

I earned my wrinkles through 40 years of mostly smiling and laughing, and a little crying, and a lot of sunshine and some wind in my face. 

I earned my extra 5 pounds by realizing life's too short to pass on pancakes for dinner or ice cream for no reason at all, and by admitting a morning snuggle beats the crap out of running any day. 

I earned my baggage through a relentless, but futile, quest to become some superhuman version of who I thought I should be, or who somebody else thought I should be, through ridiculous goals and expectations and not cutting myself any slack. 

And I earned contentment and peace this morning -my birthday gift to me - by appreciating all I have and all I have accomplished, and by deciding to focus more on loving myself and less on changing myself. 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

If only I knew how to spell "ngaaaaaah"


What the actual fuck *are* those?
A horrifying cross between Tanning Mom, the weird Swedish Muppet lady with yellow yarn hair, and Keith Richards. Times two. 

Monday, April 28, 2014

Ahhhh, parenthood.

Conversation with Kyle on the way to school this morning:

Me:  "Wow, Buddy, you stink. Did you fart?"
Kyle: "I don't think so..."
Me: "Well is it your breath?"
Kyle: (breathes into hand, sniffs) "Oh, god."
Me: "Good grief. Let me see if I have a mint or some gum or something." (rifling through my newly streamlined purse, and finding only Tums)
Kyle: "Or maybe it's this chicken salad" (pulls a large container of some type of food substance, with the lid slightly dislodged, out of his backpack)
Me: "Gross. How long has that been in there?"
Kyle: "Since Friday."

Saturday, April 26, 2014

...and this is where he gets it.

A week or so ago, I posted a picture of the chip dip where Kyle had "put it back."  Imagine my dismay upon returning home today after running errands to find this:

The kicker is that there isn't anyone else to blame but myself. Scott really couldn't have done it from crutches or wheelchair, and I'm pretty sure Napoleon couldn't manage it... And I also distinctly remember picking it up to put it away just before we left. 

Hmmm. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Today's sign I'm getting old and wretched

... Having been without my Zantac 150 for the last two days, I find myself in the Walgreens parking lot, fumbling around in the bag and ripping the seal off the bottle like a junkie, and gobbling a few of one of the two kinds of antacids I just bought.  Along with more Zantac. FML.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Daily Dose of Disturbing


This gave me the giggles all weekend, but I didn't dare post it yesterday amongst all the Jesus posts.

W. T. F. ????