Pertussis: n. \pər-ˈtə-səs\

Main Entry: per·tus·sis
Pronunciation: \pər-ˈtə-səs\
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin, from Latin per- thoroughly + tussis cough
Date: circa 1799
: whooping cough

So I finally broke down and went to the doctor this morning, at the exasperated urging of the sweet man who has to sleep next to me, and as requested by several well-meaning co-workers who've offered to share their cough drops, send me home early, administer respiratory treatments, draw blood cultures or intubate me over the past few weeks. And the presumptive diagnosis is as above, with a booger swab pending to confirm.

Awesome.

Doubtless caught from some cute little stinker of a patient whose parents "choose not to immunize" (come over here, madam, so I can punch you in the head)... You see, my last tetanus shot was received before the whooping cough outbreaks that prompted Sanofi Pasteur et al to resume adding the acellular pertussis component to the reg'lar old dip-tet.

As per the definition above, which is shockingly accurate in its archaic roots, I'm thoroughly coughing.  Thoroughly sick of coughing.  Spending about 40% of my life being wracked with a quasi-productive cough that moves just enough crud to block my airway and make me choke, so that after 7 or 8 half-assed choking coughs I progress to the gagging, holy-shit-don't-puke kind of cough for 3 or 4 more, and in the process move enough out of the way to breathe through... until the next fit of coughing (averaging 30-60 seconds between bouts).  Drinking Robitussin like it's soda pop, trying to sleep with nyquil because between shifts I can't put opiates into my system...pushing fluids and trying to rest...all the while taking care of people who are considerably less sick than I am...

Yes.  I'm bitching.  I'm tired of coughing.  Tired of being tired.  I don't have time for this shit.

On the upside, I'm working on a Z-pack now, and have Tessalon to try and kill some of the bronchospasm while I'm at work, and I have some real cough medicine to take the second my shift ends on Saturday morning... But the really horrifying part??  If this is truly the whooping cough, the P.A. tells me that the residual inflammatory cough usually lasts up to six months.

Goddammit people, immunize your kids.  And maybe go get a Tdap booster yourself, because this blows.

 CDC Info on Pertussis